Senior Sunrise

When a family member or close friend passes, the last thing you want to do is funeral planning—but it’s inevitable. However, many people have little if any experience in making these preparations. Of course, the deceased’s wishes should always be the outline for how you proceed.

Hopefully the person will have specified how they want their remains handled, whether that be a traditional burial or cremation. Where the actual ceremony takes place is also of great importance, as different religions and belief systems have differing parameters. In addition to the funeral itself, some sort of reception is customary.

One of the main components of comprehensive elderly planning is making arrangements for the funeral. Before you pass, it is advisable to indicate how you would like your remains to be housed, whether that is in a casket or an urn. If you decide that you would like a traditional burial, it is also advantageous to already have your plot picked out.

There are certain laws, rules and restrictions that are enforced by the FTC to ensure that funerals are dealt with properly. One of the main rules is that the funeral director must give you an itemized receipt that identifies all of the particular goods and services you are receiving. With a few exceptions, you have the right to choose the items and services in your funeral proceedings.

As people get older, they will inevitably begin to think about their passing and how their loved ones will have to cope and take care of the necessary tasks. When people are advanced in years, passing in a comfortable and welcoming environment is always a high priority. For years people have chosen to stay at home during their final days, but for myriad reasons more and more people are incorporating a hospital into their senior planning.

Despite the comfort and familiarity that your home affords, there are several advantages to the hospital. When you die at home, there is excessive paperwork and investigation to ensure that the person died of natural causes, which often leads to unexpected expenses. There will be some costs inherent in checking into a hospital, but the staff will alleviate the paperwork and ado that ensues after a person’s passing.

If you or a loved one has a terminal illness, you may be thinking about everything you should do before you pass away. It can be difficult to prioritize, especially since there are probably many things you want to do and take care of. Some may be practical steps to make things easily for your family after your death, while others may be personal steps to put your mind and heart at ease. Or you may have no idea what to do if you are paralyzed by fear of death.

Some of the practical things you will want to do when preparing for death are making sure that your will is up to date and specifying your funeral wishes. Write them down so that there are no arguments or indecision amongst your family members after your death. Also, make available all information regarding any bank accounts and the locations of safety deposit boxes. Make a list of all relatives, friends and associates who should be notified of your death. As for personal things to put your mind and heart at ease, you may want to take time to reconcile with any family or friends that you have been out of touch with. Empty your heart of hurts and disappointments. Forgive and forget old grudges. Take time to smile, sing, give a helping hand and a word of encouragement. You will feel much better about the conclusion of your life if you take steps like these to find peace.

The topic of planning for one’s funeral is probably not on the top ten list of most people, but actually it should be.  Over the last 25 years I have assisted at more than 50 funerals, and of all of those I can only recall one person who had pre-planned their funeral.  My great aunt, who to our entire family was known to be ” ahead of her time”, had everything planned out  and paid for.  She had set aside her burial clothes, and included the money for the reception after her passing.  She had taken care of every detail: the cemetery, the plot, the religious service, the wake, the funeral, the reception, and lastly how her belongings, and home were to be distributed and taken care of.

Because of her example and forethought, not a few of us have done the same. I took the time two years ago to make an appointment with the morturary that my family has dealt with for over thirty years.  I scheduled an appointment, and took care of the details of my own funeral.  I was able to start a payment plan that will soon be complete, and I feel that I have saved my family more than a few troubles in taking care of me when I die.  Just knowing that I am going to leave, and have things in order for them makes me feel happy.  They will not have the monetary burden, nor the stressful job of wondering what to do.  I encourage everyone to think about doing some funeral planning, for youself, and if possible for those that you love. 

A funeral is a ceremony marking a person’s death. Customs include the  beliefs and practices used by a culture to remember the dead, from the funeral itself, to various monuments, prayers, and rituals undertaken in their honor.

These customs vary widely between cultures, and between religious affiliations within cultures.

The word funeral comes from the Latin funus, which had a variety of meanings, including the corpse and the funerary rites themselves.

Because relationships never end… only change, the completion of them is necessary for our future health, both mental and physical. We all must complete and heal our emotional relationships with those that have died — and then say good-bye. Planning ahead either for your own or someone else’s can actually helpthe healing process.

Funeral rituals have 3 main parts:  Visitation, Service, and Burial. You may be involved in the planning as much, or as little as you wish.

The rules of tradition :

Whether you’re attending a formal traditional funeral or a unique personalized funeral, there are some unwritten rules of etiquette to follow. It’s important to be aware of these expectations to avoid offending anyone or embarrassing yourself. It can be difficult to know what to do or say when you or someone you care for has lost a loved one. Most people don’t have to deal with death on a regular basis and it may even be the case that you’re attending your first funeral.

Attending a Wake - Before the funeral

It’s quite common for a wake (sometimes called a visitation) to be held during the two days prior to a funeral. The wake offers mourners a chance to say goodbye to their loved one, while gathering together for support. Sometimes the casket will be open and people can actually touch or speak directly to the body.

Most people appreciate the chance to attend a wake. It can provide a sense of closure or acceptance to those who have lost someone. A wake can be either public or private, so if you’re organizing one you’ll have to be clear about your expectations for family, friends and  acquaintances.

Funeral Clothing - What to wear

The funeral tradition is changing as personalized funerals become more common. You can select from all kinds of different clothing options for a non-traditional memorial. One of the most common is the memorial t-shirt - mourners will wear a t-shirt bearing a picture of the deceased and perhaps a brief message. While the personalization of a funeral may change the way you’d typically dress for such an occasion, there are still some common rules for funeral attire in general:

Anyone attending a funeral should be properly dressed in a manner that conveys respect for the deceased and the bereaved. Colorful clothing isn’t usually an appropriate choice, but more important is that everything should be clean and well pressed

What to Say - Expressions of sympathy

Most people don’t have to deal with the funeral process on a regular basis, which means that it can be hard to know exactly how to express sympathy to those who have lost a loved one. For the most part, you’ll want to remember that the bereaved are going through a difficult, stressful and sometimes confusing time in their lives. You need to address this directly, avoiding the use of clichés or any kind of expressions that trivialize or generalize what they’re going through. No one experiences death in the same way so you have to think of the people you’re speaking to.

Attending a Funeral - What to do

If you’re attending a traditional funeral you might be aware of some of the common customs, and therefore can be ready for the process. If you’re attending a non-traditional or personalized funeral, there’s a greater chance that you won’t be familiar with what will happen. However, regardless of the type of funeral you’re attending, there are some common rules of etiquette for attending a funeral:

Though it’s a scary thought, it’s important to address death in a logical manner.  Death is an inevitable part of life, and preparing for it is essential for allowing loved ones to grieve and not worry about last minute details like finances, wills, and last wishes.  It’s also important to address funeral planning, as this is can be a significant cost and leave loved ones in a financial bind.  The truth is, no matter how scary or terrible an event is, if there is a plan people will feel calmer.

For elderly persons, to start planning for death talk about it with your family, and also consult various sources for information on laws regarding wills and inheritance.  It’s not by any means a pleasant conversation, but with planning it will help all involved feel better when the time comes.