Senior Sunrise

The rules of tradition :

Whether you’re attending a formal traditional funeral or a unique personalized funeral, there are some unwritten rules of etiquette to follow. It’s important to be aware of these expectations to avoid offending anyone or embarrassing yourself. It can be difficult to know what to do or say when you or someone you care for has lost a loved one. Most people don’t have to deal with death on a regular basis and it may even be the case that you’re attending your first funeral.

Attending a Wake - Before the funeral

It’s quite common for a wake (sometimes called a visitation) to be held during the two days prior to a funeral. The wake offers mourners a chance to say goodbye to their loved one, while gathering together for support. Sometimes the casket will be open and people can actually touch or speak directly to the body.

Most people appreciate the chance to attend a wake. It can provide a sense of closure or acceptance to those who have lost someone. A wake can be either public or private, so if you’re organizing one you’ll have to be clear about your expectations for family, friends and  acquaintances.

Funeral Clothing - What to wear

The funeral tradition is changing as personalized funerals become more common. You can select from all kinds of different clothing options for a non-traditional memorial. One of the most common is the memorial t-shirt - mourners will wear a t-shirt bearing a picture of the deceased and perhaps a brief message. While the personalization of a funeral may change the way you’d typically dress for such an occasion, there are still some common rules for funeral attire in general:

Anyone attending a funeral should be properly dressed in a manner that conveys respect for the deceased and the bereaved. Colorful clothing isn’t usually an appropriate choice, but more important is that everything should be clean and well pressed

What to Say - Expressions of sympathy

Most people don’t have to deal with the funeral process on a regular basis, which means that it can be hard to know exactly how to express sympathy to those who have lost a loved one. For the most part, you’ll want to remember that the bereaved are going through a difficult, stressful and sometimes confusing time in their lives. You need to address this directly, avoiding the use of clichés or any kind of expressions that trivialize or generalize what they’re going through. No one experiences death in the same way so you have to think of the people you’re speaking to.

Attending a Funeral - What to do

If you’re attending a traditional funeral you might be aware of some of the common customs, and therefore can be ready for the process. If you’re attending a non-traditional or personalized funeral, there’s a greater chance that you won’t be familiar with what will happen. However, regardless of the type of funeral you’re attending, there are some common rules of etiquette for attending a funeral:

God of mercy, look kindly on your servant who has grown weak under the burden of years.

I ask for healing in body and soul. Fill me with the strength of your Holy Spirit.

Keep me firm in faith and serene in hope, so that I  may give  all an example of patience and joyfully witness to the power of your love.

In your name O Lord, I pray.      Amen

Source: Pastoral Care of the Sick

Home Treatment During Later Stages

· Patients with Alzheimer’s disease need 24-hour a day attention.caregiver has the resources to keep the patient at home during later stages of the disease, outside help is still essential. If available, home visits by a health profession can have a favorable impact on survival and delay the need for a nursing home. Medicare now covers many Alzheimer’s services, and patients should be able to stay at home longer than previously.

· Incontinence. A patient’s incontinence is generally devastating to the caregiver and a primary reason why many caregivers decide to seek nursing home placement when the patient reaches this stage. When the patient first shows signs of incontinence, the doctor should make sure that it is not caused by an infection. Urinary incontinence may be controlled for some time by trying to monitor times of liquid intake, feeding, and urinating. Once a schedule has been established, the caregiver may be able to anticipate incontinent episodes and get the patient to the toilet before they occur.

· Immobility and Pain. As the disease progresses, patients become immobile, literally forgetting how to move. Eventually, they become almost entirely wheelchair-bound or bedridden. Bedsores can be a major problem. Sheets must be kept clean, dry, and free of food. The patient’s skin should be washed frequently, gently blotted thoroughly dry, and moisturizers applied. The patient should be moved every 2 hours and the feet kept raised with pillows or pads. Exercises should be administered to the legs and arms to keep them flexible.

· Dehydration. Dehydration can become a problem. It is essential to encourage fluid intake equal to eight glasses of water daily. Coffee and tea are diuretics and will deplete fluid.

· Eating Problems. Weight loss and the gradual inability to swallow are two major related problems in late-stage Alzheimer’s and are associated with an increased risk of death. Weight gain, however, is linked to a lower risk of dying. The patient can be fed through a feeding syringe, or the caregiver can encourage chewing action by pushing gently on the bottom of the patient’s chin and on the lips. The caregiver should offer the patient foods of different consistency and flavor. Because choking is a danger, the caregiver should learn to administer the Heimlich maneuver, which may be taught by the local Red Cross. In very late stages, some caregivers choose feeding tubes for the patient. They should be aware that feeding tubes have no measurable impact on survival.

Source: The American Journal of Alzheimer’s Care and Related Disorders & Research, Nov/Dec 1989